I joined two Facebook groups just before Christmas. One is the IPF-Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis Support Group and the other is for Spousal Caregivers. I thought the two groups would help provide answers but I’m giving up on the Spousal Caregivers group. Sadly I don’t want their attitude to rub off on me.

Most of the “caregivers” seem to be bitter and angry about the hand that’s been dealt them, and mad at their spouses.

At times I get frustrated with John but never angry with him. We’re in this life together. He is ill, and sometimes he’s hard to please, but I know I’d be more difficult. He is dealing with the situation the best he can and he’s doing a great job staying upbeat!

I will check in on the caregivers’ group occasionally, but I’m not going to follow it closely because I don’t want to ever feel as they do.

The other group, the IPF group, consists of those with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis or those who are close to someone who has this horrid disease. The members are fairly upbeat, strong, and positive. I might learn from them. They seem appreciative of the time they are sharing with their spouse/significant other.

I want to tell the wife in the caregivers’ group who is bitching about changing her husband’s diaper, or the one who gripes about her husband demands that she’ll be sorry she resented helping him. More than likely he feels bad because he needs her help.

I want to explain to the woman who complains that husband no longer interacts with her so she’s feeling lonely that her “feel sorry for herself attitude” will only drive away folks who would be friendly.

I am far from perfect. And yes, sometimes even sweet John can be difficult. He wants to do for himself, but then he complains when I don’t help him with something little. Like last night when we got home from dinner with friends and I headed to the bathroom instead of helping him put our leftovers away. I changed from my fussy clothes to a comfy robe before coming to the living room. Putting the pie pan and two foam boxes of prime rib in the refrigerator didn’t seem like it was a big deal that I needed to help him with, but apparently, it bothered him that I didn’t volunteer to help (or do it). I had helped our hosts clear the table, rinse the dishes and store away what I could. I’d been on my feet for awhile and my touchy back was aching. But he’s right. I could have suggested that I put the three items in the refrigerator and I will next time.

I enjoy every day I have with John. I sure won’t complain, even if he’s sometimes a little cranky.