I can’t believe he’s gone. He was the love of my life. He was a wonderful husband and I couldn’t have done better. I was so fortunate to spend nearly 33 years as his wife.
The responsibilities of his care the past few months weighed on me, but I didn’t mind. He generally accepted his situation with grace and dignity. Yes, there were times when he got a little moody, but he was always apologetic when he realized I was doing my best.
Here are the notes I put together for Tom Bradley (who will officiate at John’s memorial) to use when creating his service. Here are the memories I chose to share.
I don’t know much about John’s youth. I know he followed his brother Jerry everywhere. He was in the Czech dancers group here in Bannister and a member of ZCBJ. He graduated from Elsie High School in 1956. He liked playing baseball and football and his plan was to learn to fly a plane. He was in the air force reserves during the Cuban missile crisis.
John loved the time he spent with his dad, his brother Jerry, and sometimes other relatives and friends hunting in the Upper Peninsula. He’d tell me stories of the long lines waiting for a ferry to take them across the straights and hiding their “kills” so no one would know about their successes. And he also hunted in Bannister, which was also where be picked out and cut our Christmas trees for many years.
I met John at a Parents Without Partners meeting at Swan Creek Banquet Center. He was standing with one of his friends on the sidelines. I couldn’t help but notice him. He was tall, good looking, and definitely stood out.
Funny thing: I had mentioned to one of my co-workers at St. Mary’s Hospital that I was going to the meeting of single elgible adults. (I’d been single for many years.) I kiddingly said, “I’ll go the meeting and hopefully fall in love.” The next morning she asked me if it had happened. My reply was, “Maybe.”
Our first date a few days after that first meeting was dinner at the Michigan House on Bay Road and it was memorable. I’d been given a cat by another “boyfriend.” John and I spent a good share of the evening spraying the cat for fleas. (And NO, I hadn’t wanted a cat especially one that was flea infested.)
We’d met in December 1981. In January 1982, I found out I had a brain tumor (an acoustic neuroma on my brain stem). Even though we hadn’t known each other very long, I leaned on John to get through this health crisis. When I had to fly to Los Angeles in June for the surgery to remove it, John was with me. He didn’t want me to be alone.
We didn’t get married until September 1985, but we were a couple more than three years longer than that and I enjoyed the Skaryd family. Everyone was so welcoming.
Our life was great right from the beginning. We built our lovely home on tiny Lake Cecil in Thomas Township and moved in just before Christmas, December 1986. It was just what we wanted!
John’s career as an Air Traffic Controller in the Federal Government’s Flight Service at Tri-City Airport ended in 1988. They moved his job to Lansing. He could have followed his job or retired. At only 50, he chose to retire.
For a new career, we purchased a historic apartment building (with two businesses on the first floor and eight rental apartments on the second). It was from Lincoln’s time and located in downtown Saginaw next to the Fordney Hotel. John took on the task of renovating it with new bathrooms, kitchens, furnaces, windows, and exterior brick repair.
When he bought the building, the eight low-income apartments on the second floor were fully occupied. One of the apartments came with Ben Parrish, a mentally changed older man.
John soon realized that whenever Ben received his monthly govenment check, he was a mark for the neighborhood thugs to rob him of what he had. Ben’s money would be gone within a few days and he had nothing to eat. John volunteered to become his payee representative and helped Ben survive. He would take Ben shopping, to the barber shop, and spent time with him. They both benefited. He managed his affairs so carefully that Ben actually built up a nest egg.
Sadly three years after buying the building in 1991, most of that Saginaw historic city block burned down including our building. John had just finished with the renovation. It was complete and then it was a pile of rubble.
All residents were rescued, but they all lost everything. Most could handle the loss, but Ben was in dire need. John solicited charities and got Ben everything he needed to furnish a new apartment. Ben continued to be John’s responsibility for several more years.
Without the building, John was again retired.
A month later we went to a music festival in Evart, MI, on July 20th, 1991, and we were hooked by the music of the hammered dulcimer. From then on John used any extra time he had to learn to play this wonderful instrument. We both took it up, but John’s abilities quickly exceeded mine and I soon realized I could never play up to his level. I then took up the autoharp to enhance his playing.
Before long, we were deeply involved in the Michigan music community. We joined a music club in Midland, one in Chesaning, and one in Saginaw. When the directors of the Saginaw group gave up their role, John and I took over and ran the club for the next 20 years. The club was called Saginaw Subterranean Strings Hammered Dulcimer Club. We performed frequently. We had about 50 members and played an average of once a week throughout the area. It was great fun. John was a super leader. For 20 years, we presented three concerts each summer in Haithco Park and a huge two-day SnowFest concert in Frankenmuth, Michigan. John handled all the sound equipment as well as leading the music jams.
After the retirement of Bill Kuhlman, founding chairman of the Midland Dulcimer Festival, John became a co-chairman of that event and held the role for eight years. This was the second largest dulcimer festival in the U.S.
In 1995, I became the workshop chairman and webmaster for the world’s largest hammered dulcimer club, the ODPC Funfest. It was a role I kept until 2015 (20 years). Without John and his understanding support, I couldn’t have done that job. He lead the one-on-one classes and he’d set up the workshop areas. I needed his help, and he was always there, hauling water for the “workshop leader rest area” or helping anyone who needed him.
John lost both his parents within six months in 2001. All the siblings worked together to keep his dad comfortable.
For many years, John’s best friend was George Horny. George had a polka band, the NuTones, which included John on tenor banjo. Like John, George also grew grapes and together they made wine, worked on stained glass, cooked, canned, and made music on Monday nights in George’s barn. George died in 2016. John had lost his best friend!
In addition to playing banjo with George, he also played with the Flint Banjo Club. Riding on their floats and performing with them.
In October 2008, we purchased a condo in Kings Point, the gated part of Sun City Center, Florida. We enjoyed taking ballroom dance lessons and then the more informal country couples style of dancing. John was a great dancer. We danced at least once or twice a week. We had so much fun as a couple. We were part of Oldies but Goodies, and the Baby Boomers, two groups which hold frequent dances and parties. We also helped with the Kings Point Michigan Club. John was always one of the hardest workers. Even this year in February, he was busy serving beer at the Michigan Club’s huge pizza party while he wore his oxygen.
Even after his 2009 diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (a progressive disease with a three to five-year life expectancy in 97% of cases), he continued to work with me on all our fun social events. Finally, as his lung disease became more limiting, he passed the baton to others and retired from leadership positions. It was just too much for him.
John’s work ethic was unmatched. He’d wear his oxygen with a filter mask as he mowed the yard and picked grapes for the wine he made at our Saginaw home. He’d ride on his handicapped scooter to power wash the sidewalks and driveway at our Florida condo. He was a worker and wouldn’t give up.
Even in October 2017, I helped him pick his grapes so he could make another batch of wine which he brought in large carboys to Florida with us.
(Cute story: A few years ago, John brought several plastic carboys of freshly made wine in the back of our truck. Every time we stopped, I swore I could smell wine. When we got to our Florida condo, half a carboy of wine had leaked out. There was a trail from Michigan to Florida. We laughed about it. We had heard it may be illegal to bring quantities of wine into Florida (we have read conflicting stories). But we felt it was okay because when we left Michigan it was grape juice, when we arrived, it probably had some fermenting but it was still “working.” The authorities could have followed us by tracking the drips.)
The highlight of the past few years has been the friendships we made in our Florida Kings Point community. He was truly likable so he drew folks to him/us. We had so much fun with “our group.” The 29th of April, ten friends showed up to help us pack our truck. They were there for us, and several even came back to tweak John’s “packing” so he’d be satisfied.
I consider the years I shared with John the best imaginable. Our life was nearly perfect. It’s hard to think of my future without him, but I was so lucky to share more than 33 years with him!
I am poorer for his death, but far, far richer for his life.
By Monday, I was swamped with chores that had to be done. There were dozens of phone calls and I have been working to catch up every day.
I had Lincare pick up his oxygen equipment. Spectrum installed cable so I have TV in both the great room and bedroom. Neighbors helped unload the two mobility scooters from the truck. I’ve shopped, cooked, searched through photos, worked to set up a memorial service, and arranged to have the lawn cared for. I’m pooped.
I’ll get through this period, but it’s harder than I ever imagined.
I will eventually get used to life without John but I’m not ready yet.
I’m having mixed feelings about selling my house. I have been really anxious to get back to my condo in Florida, but suddenly I’m realizing that when I sell it, it’ll be gone! This whole phase of my life will be over.